I'm sitting here on my couch watching inane late night tv (parent trap -- the "new" one) waiting for my husband to come in from the airport. Normally, I wouldn't be up right now, but he called me about 10 pm to tell me that he'd been in an accident and was being transported to the hospital. Apparently, the shuttle bus from the airport to the parking lot had some sort of mishap. His neck and back were feeling "weird," so he went to the hospital to get checked out. I expected to need to get the girls up and go get him (probably somewhere in Humble or northeast Houston), so I stayed up -- drinking coffee -- and now I can't go to sleep. I heard from him about 30 minutes ago. He told me to go ahead and go to bed. Ha! I'm wired!!
So I was thinking, as I sat here watching my recorded shows (Grey's Anatomy and CSI -- I had choir rehearsal tonight) about how I could possibly avoid getting the girls up to go get him when I realized that before July 24th I would have called Amy. She would have been up at 10 pm gladly would have come over to sit with the girls while I went to get Cliff. And now I don't know WHO I would call.
I keep having little moments like that -- little realizations about how much I loved my friend and miss having her here. I wasn't crying before I wrote that, but now I am. I didn't realize how much I depended on her for little things. And now she's gone.
A couple of weeks ago I realized that I was really lonely, and I couldn't figure out why. I knew that I hadn't seen my friend Suzanne in quite a while and that I was feeling a bit claustrophobic as a homeschooling mom with a husband who travels a lot. What I didn't realize was that part of the reason I felt so alone was that I didn't have Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings and Sonic Tuesdays every so often with Amy. I arranged a playdate with Suzanne and her kids (almost more for me than for the kids) and spent most of the time talking and talking and talking -- some of which was about Amy. Suzanne knew Amy, so she was particularly sympathetic. She could tell something was going on.
So now I know a couple of things -- maybe more. 1) I need a new "go to" friend that I can call anytime of the day or night in an emergency situation. 2) Suzanne and I need to see each other on a more regular basis. 3) I really need to get plugged in to the homeschool group here in Katy -- then I won't feel so odd, maybe. 4) I need to diversify my friend network and not rely so much on one or two people. Don't get me wrong. I know people. I just don't socialize much outside of "official" functions.
By the way, Cliff is okay. He was released from the hospital, got a ride to the parking lot and is driving himself home. He's not here yet, but he should be here soon. He will see a chiropractor tomorrow and begin restorative treatment. He'll be sore for a while, but he should be fine.
I miss my friend.
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Oh, Sweetie--I really do feel for you. I know losing a mom is different from losing a good, good friend, but . . . I still miss your Grammy, even after 2-plus years. It just sneaks up on me every now and then, just as you described, and I think of things I wish I'd asked her, or that I wish I could bounce off her ever-so-sensible head . . . There's just a big hole left when someone you love isn't there anymore.
You've zeroed in on some really positive steps--could be that #3 will lead to both #1 & #4. YOU have so much to offer other home schoolers, you know. Moms who have been active and involved with the schools their kids were in (if they weren't home-schooled from the first) must feel the same kind of disconnection. Meantime, thank goodness for Suzanne. She has proved to be a very valuable friend.
Also thank goodness Cliff wasn't hurt seriously! Just what he did not need as he gets ready for a long trip to far away. Hope his soreness is short-lived. Love you muchly. --Mom
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